Can't let you brew that, StarBucks
by Kierany9
Summary: Star Wolf is in massive debt, their Wolfens are in disrepair and to top it all off, Panther and Krystal have left the team, taking the little money they had with them. After being pummelled by Star Fox, Wolf and Leon find a cargo ship full of coffee. Their only hope is to smuggle it to land and open a coffee shop. Problem is, a new StarBucks is opening right next to it...
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

* * *

"Wolf, we got bad news." said Leon.

"Urgh..." I muttered, sitting up on the motel's bed. The room was messy, I just dumped my clothes in there as soon as I got there last night. The person who had been here before left a ton of magazines and potato chips on the floor. There were rats everywhere. "What is it Leon? It's like...9 AM."

"This note. Panther left it on your door.."

"Give me that!"

_To Wolf and Leon:_

_Me and Krystal are leaving the team. Sorry but we want to be alone together. We just cannot be in love while being watched by an ugly lizard (no offence Leon) and a big scary wolf. Hope you understand, and maybe you will find love some day.  
_

_Yours truly, Panther_

_PS: We took half of the team's funds. That's fair, we get half, you get half._

"What about our debt?" I yelled.

"Exactly!" yelled Leon. "We can't pay it back now."

"To the Wolfens!"

I put my gear on, ran out of the motel room and headed towards the car park. We jumped into our jets and turned on the ignition. The jets spluttered to life, spitting out smoke and other products. Damnit, I forgot. We needed the money to repair them.

"We'll never catch up in this junk." said Leon via intercom. He was right. So we took off anyway and headed into outer space.

* * *

**Great Fox  
In orbit of Katina  
9:12 AM**

Fox stared out of the window of the Great Fox. Ever since Krystal had left, he felt incredibly lonely. They had visited Bill earlier that day, but he still wasn't happy.

"Star Wolf is visible on radar screen." said R.O.B. 64 the robot.

"Is Kyrstal there?" asked Fox.

"Negative. Wolf O'Donnell and Leon Powalski currently in range."

"Prepare to deploy the Arwings. We're going in!"

* * *

"Wolf, how much cash do we have left?"

"About ten thousand. Negative thirty-five thousand if you include the debt."

"We need to get more money!"

"There are some gangs that could do with our help."

Suddenly, two Arwings appeared.

"Can't let you do that Star Wolf!" said Fox.

"General pepper has ordered us to take you down!" added Falco.

"Open fire!" I yelled. I hit the trigger. Several clicking sounds were heard, but nothing fired. I stared ahead as Fox fired a volley of powerful lasers, severely damaging my shields. Leon had a bit more luck and landed a few shots on Falco. I turned the ship so I could get behind Fox but the engine died mid-loop. I got it working again just in time to avoid a smart bomb. My lasers started working for a moment, but Fox did a barrel roll and avoided them.

"Wolf, my G-Diffuser isn't working!" yelled Leon as he was pelted by lasers. Not many hit him, but those that did blew off entire sections of his hull.

"Retreat, retreat!" I yelled. Leon and I regrouped, only to be hit by a smart bomb. A Cornerian military transport was exiting Katina and preparing to warp.

"Wolf, the transport!"

"I know, I know!"

Our Wolfens made several loud clanking and exploding noises and they crashed on the transport as it prepared to warp. Star Fox attacked to no avail as the transport warped to Corneria. Our ships then rolled off the transport, snapped the wings and headed into the atmosphere.

"Wolf, are your re-entry rockets working."

"Yes!" I said.

_**BOOM!**_

"Make that a no." I added as I saw the smoky debris that was once my rockets fly away from the ship

"Mine aren't working either!" said Leon, in a panicky voice. As the clouds parted, we were above the ocean. Leon sighed of relief until we saw a cargo ship.

"We're gonna crash! Eject!" I yelled. My seat flew up through the cockpit as the Wolfen crashed into the boat and exploded.

"MY EJECT WON'T WORK!" yelled Leon, who was frantically mashing the button. His ship crashed into the water, slowing down as it surfed across the surface. I pulled open the parachute and Leon crashed into the boat. The Wolfen was wrecked, but the cockpit opened and Leon walked out unharmed. That is, until a sack crashed on his head. Within a minute, we were sitting on the Wolfen, being carried along by the ship, thinking of what to do.

"Our jets are crashed, our debt is high and I think five thousand was in my cargo hold, which is flooded." said Leon.

"What if we raid the ship?" I asked.

"Nah. It's not like these sacks have anything of value." said Leon. As he opened the sack he saw coffee. Lots and lots of coffee beans.

"Coffee, I presume?" I asked.

"Yeah. That's coffee all right. If this ship has lots of coffee, our debt crisis might just be solved." remarked Leon, with a hint of glee on his face.

"We can't just sell it all. We'll get caught for sure."

"Why don't we open a coffee shop. We have enough coffee, milk isn't that expensive and I there's sugar on this ship too."

I grinned. "Leon, you're a genius!" We both laughed and high-fived.

"Ok then...but how to get the coffee smuggled without being caught?" he asked.

"Leave that to me..."

We walked through the hole Leon's Wolfen had left in the ship and walked into the cargo hold. The amount of coffee and sugar bags was amazing.

"There has to be about fifty crew members on this boat! What do we do?" asked Leon.

"Kill them all. Do it fast and destroy the GPS and communication systems while you're at it.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, we were in a speedboat that was stored in the cargo ship, driving towards the coastline. Instead of going to the harbour, I took a sharp turn right and rode the boat straight into the sewer pipeline. As we got a considerable way up, we stopped the boat.

"So, the crew is dead and the GPS is disabled. Now what?" asked Leon.

"We're gonna have to make about ten or fifteen trips. See if you can find a forklift truck and get the coffee into an empty dumpster or something. I'll go and get another load from the boat and hide it somewhere. Hiding a cargo ship isn't easy."

"I'll see what I can do."

"If we can pull this off, we'll be out of debt in no time!"

* * *

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter. More will be coming soon. For now, DO A BARREL ROLL!**


	2. Wolf's Café

**Wolf's Café**

* * *

I walked through the mall. Walking through a mall isn't a great idea when you're out of money. But what I was going to buy was a store. I could rent it out for 250 a month. I then saw a perfect vacant lot. It was right in the centre, next to the main elevators and escalators. I rushed inside and saw a counter, a bathroom and nothing much else other than a light bulb.

"You want this?" asked a lynx from behind the counter.

"How much is the rent?"

"Three hundred a month."

"A bit over budget, but I need it. So I'll take it."

Just then, Leon walked in as the lynx walked out. Leon was panting: he was carrying two buckets of red paint, three buckets of green paint, two paint rollers, a stack of wooden floorboards and a bucket of nails.

"Nice work Leon. I'll paint the walls, you go get the rest of the floorboards, some better lighting and some airspray. Then you need tables, chairs and barstools. Oh and we need to test the plumbing, improve the bathrooms and a fridge. We also need some soft drinks for any kids. Get water, coke and maybe orange juice"

Leon sighed and walked back out. I got a toolbox and got to work.

* * *

Three non-stop days of work and the joint is looking decent. Its walls were painted a light green with the floorboards carpeted. There were three rows of fluorescent lightbulbs and the bathroom had been retiled. There was also a menu with some appetizers. All that was left was the main sign with the name. The name...

"Waddya wanna call the place?" asked Leon.

"I don't have any ideas. You?"

"How about...Dunkin' Donnell's Coffee?"

"If people associate me with the name Donnell, the police will be on me in seconds. How about..."

_Five minutes later..._

"Well I still say that stinks!" said Leon.

"Hmmm, then why don't we do Wolf's Café?"

"Not bad. Let's get painting."

_Half an hour later..._

We grabbed the sign and placed it on It said Wolf's Café with a picture of a grinning wolf holding a cup of coffee.

"Finally!" I said. "We're officially OPEN!"

Wolf's Café had no doors. It was one of those places that was open to the rest of the mall without the usage of doors. So we just hung a little paper sign with OPEN written in green from the main sign.

"So, Wolf." said Leon. "How much coffee do we have?"

"If the place is half full, we'll have enough for three days. I need to get more from the boat. I'll see you soon Leon!"

I ran out of the café towards the exit of the mall. I then went into a drainpipe and got onto the speedboat I had left it in the sewers. I turned the engine on and sped through the sewers. Damnit, low tide! The speedboat flew out of the sewer pipe and landed into the water, barely missing the rocky ground underneath. It took about half an hour to get to the boat. I stopped the speedboat and tied it to Leon's crashed Wolfen. I walked into the cargo room and did not like what I saw. The water levels had gone up about 20 centimetres since four days ago. I grabbed about ten coffee sacks that were near water and loaded them onto the boat. I then saw some sugar sacks. After a bit of hesitation, I loaded two of them onto the speedboat as well. I then noticed a door saying:

WATERTIGHT STORAGE

I opened it up and began placing as much coffee that would fit in there. In the end I managed to fit about a hundred sacks in. As the water would get higher and higher, I would take sacks from lower sections and take them, or put them in watertight storage. I got on the boat and went back. When I got there, the tide was high again. I rode through the sewer pipe and unloaded the coffee into an empty dumpster. I would wheel it in as the mall was closing and deliver it to Wolf's Café at night. So I walked into the mall and went to check on Leon.

* * *

This isn't so hard after all. I did it once before when I had to do community service. Make coffee, beware of hooligans. So far we've earned fifty three Cornerian credits! If this keeps up, we'll have our monthly rent paid back in no time! Wolf is probably still at the boat. We've agreed not to use our communicators unless of an emergency. Wait...who is that? No...anything but that birdbrain!

"This looks like a nice place." said the guy.

"I agree." said a girl next to him.

They walked in and sat on the barstools.

"Black coffee for me and a cappuccino for the lady here."

"Coming right up..." I said.

"Leon? What are you doing here!"

"Falco Lombardi...if you must know I'm doing community service."

"Wow, you must of been caught quickly since I kicked your butt in Katina."

"I told you, my G-Diffuser was faulty!"

"Anyway, coffee today or next year?"

I grumbled as I started on Falco's and Katt's coffee. I felt like giving them a Venom Special, to kill them all. But I would be caught red-handed.

"Something smells fishy." said Falco.

"Probably your fish breath..." I muttered to myself.

"If Leon's doing C-time... Leon! Where is the Cornerian official that should supervise you during service!"

"Uh...he's...He's an undercover agent. Can't reveal his name or location or anything. Not even to you."

"O...kay I guess."

A few minutes passed and birdbrain and Katt left. I turned on my communicator.

"Wolf, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm heading back. I'm in the mall."

"Uh oh. I saw someone who you don't want to see at the moment."

"Who?"

"Falco Lombardi!"

"What the heck!"

"Yeah, birdbrain! If he sees you wandering around, it'll blow our cover!"

"Cover? What's the cover story?"

"Community service!"

"Damnit. We might just be screwed. We need to get at least a hundred thousand to pay off our debt and get new jets, three hundred thousand if we want something as good as the Wolfen. And that is gonna take some time! Oh shit! Look who's here!"

Wolf turned off his communicator and I went back to serving coffee.

* * *

I slipped under a table, praying that Falco wouldn't see me. As soon as he was out of sight, I made a mad dash towards Wolf's Café. Just then, a kid walked inside with an ice cream and some of said ice cream went on the floor.

"WHOAAAAAH!"

"Yikes!" said Leon, who came with a mop to clean up the ice cream. "You OK?

"I'm fine..." I said, rubbing my head. "Aren't you glad we didn't call it Dunkin' Donnell's."

"Yeah. Birdbrain might be dumb but not that dumb.

Well, let's get to work!

* * *

The past few days have flown by. We've made enough money to pay the rent early and buy a medium sized TV for the place. We thought about hiring some staff but decided against it. We couldn't afford it quite yet. Leon bought two coffee shop outfits and we've been wearing them all the time. It makes us look more professional too. We also stitched our logo onto them. Usually Leon works at the coffee shop while I do everything else ranging from tax payment to ordering boxes of snacks. The cargo ship is holding fine, I've done four trips so far. Everything was going to plan until yesterday. Yesterday, Starbucks, a massive company which owns a range of cafés, announced they would be building a new coffee shop, the biggest one in Lylat to be exact. Right next to ours! Well excuse me! Can't let you brew that, Starbucks!

* * *

**Thanks for reading and/and reviewing. Now that Starbucks is in the picture, what chaos will ensue? Find out next time, on "Can't let you brew that, Starbucks."**


	3. Starbucks

**Starbucks**

* * *

"Ok Leon" I said "We have to delay the opening of Starbucks for as long as we can."

"Agreed."

We were sitting in one of the tables of Wolf's Café. It was a Monday and the place was empty. Leon was reading a newspaper.

"Hey Wolf! Look!"

Leon showed me the newspaper.

_Lizard model has died due to an overuse of drugs._

"Why would I care about that?" I asked. Was Leon into models? I'll ask later

"No dummy, the article below that." he replied.

_Cargo ship transporting coffee to new Starbucks missing._

"Uh oh..." I said.

_500 tonnes of coffee were on the ship at the time. The weather was clear. One S.O.S. message was sent, reporting a crashed jet on the top deck. The GPS was disabled ten minutes later. The rescue team arrived 90 minutes after. The boat was gone. It is possible the boat was raided._

"You know what this means?" asked Leon.

"Yeah. We'll have to be extra careful smuggling that stuff or we'll be busted."

"We've got a weeks worth of coffee. You'll have to get some more by the weekend."

"Hey, I just realized. We've delayed the opening of Starbucks."

"But they won't need it until they've finished construction. And I'm sure they can get another shipment by Thursday."

"Damn."

* * *

Wolf had left the shop. He was probably in a bad mood. So I just let him be and started. Half an hour later, I heard a hissing noise. Annoyed that it wasn't the kettle or a gas leak, I walked outside. A massive explosion on the fourth floor sent a platform full of debris down to the central plaza. The mall began to fill with dust and smoke as several coughs were heard.

"What the heck?"

* * *

**Half an hour before the explosion...**

Leon was right. We were doomed. I got up and walked into the mall. There it was: Starbucks. The building was one week into development, with marble floors, paintings on the wall and massive, towering three stories high. If they opened...Wolf's Café would be done for. There were lots of workers placing windows, fixing the floor and more. I needed fresh air so I walked out of the mall. It was peaceful here in Corneria. I walked down the street, which floated above a massive patch of grass. The city was quite harmonious with nature: almost everything was built above the grassland, and you could climb down at any time. Eco-friendly hovercars drove down the street and children ran across the shady grass. As I walked down to the beach, I saw a S.W.A.T. van. What was going on?

"Stop right there!"

I froze. And turned around. A man was pointing a gun at me.

"Wait...you're not O'Donnell. Sorry mate, thought you were that criminal guy. Grey wolves are quite common Cornerians. My bad"

I then remembered Leon's coffee shop outfits. They really did make me seem different from who I am. And because I dyed my fur a lighter shade. I then walked behind the S.W.A.T. van. Inside, there were a few crates. Nobody was looking, so I opened the one with the letters HOMING LAUNCHER. I then saw a wheeler. I put the crate on the wheeler, making sure the letters weren't visible and wheeled the box away. An officer walking the other way simply said:

"Have a nice day."

"Wow. Idiots." I whispered to myself.

As I got back to the mall, I went to the top floor. One side was in disrepair, with abandoned shops, faulty lighting and whatnot. The side that wasn't abandoned only went a third of the way through the mall. It contained cinemas and the like. As I got to Starbucks, halfway across, I opened the crate. It was a red homing launcher, with a joystick. It also came with gloves. That's a plus. I put on the gloves and held the launcher on the banister and aimed at a support column on the middle floor of Starbucks.

"Hey! Get back here! Wolf O'Donnel! I got you now!"

The shock accidentally made me fire. I hid the homing launcher behind my back, fiddling with the control stick so nothing exploded. The officer was the same one as before. He was a male dog, with black S.W.A.T. armour.

"Give me the homing launcher!"

"What homing launcher?" I asked with a sheepish smile.

He aimed his gun and I jumped out of the way just as he fired. I jumped at him, smacking him on the head with the launcher. He shot me in the arm, causing me to lose my grip on the weapon. He then dashed at me and pounced. The homing launcher fell down to the ground floor, causing the joystick to snap. I punched him in the face and kicked the gun out of his hands. Suddenly, the homing missile crashed into one of the supports underneath the walkway, blowing it off and damaging the walkway itself. The walkway snapped and about ten metres of concrete pathway began tumbling down, knocking the walkways on the lower floors off as well. As everything hit the ground floor, the mall was covered with smoke and dust. I moaned as I pushed rubble off my head. I then saw the S.W.A.T. trooper dead. A concrete block was jammed in his skull. In the confusion, I grabbed the broken homing launcher and put it in his hands. To be on the safe side, I grabbed a coffee sack from within Wolf's Café and threw it on the corpse. Maybe we could get out of debt without being caught after all.

* * *

"You are an insane fool." said Leon for the umpteenth time, making a coffee for one of the clients. The café was half full, everybody needed to recover from the shock that was the explosion.

"Well I framed the S.W.A.T. guy. He's holding the weapon, the S.W.A.T. are the legal owners of said weapon and he has a coffee sack from the ship. That's proof enough that he wanted to ruin Starbucks" I said, sitting on a barstool. It looked like I was a regular talking to the bartender and nobody suspected anything.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." he said, turning on the TV.

_Latest news, a S.W.A.T. member has been caught attempting to destroy the latest Starbucks with one of his team's weapons. Something happened and several parts of the mall collapsed, destroying portions of shops and killing several people. A coffee bag from the missing ship was found. Is the planetary S.W.A.T. team a sham? Find out at seven, only on CNT News._

"See. They buy it." I said.

* * *

**And another chapter ends in the story of Wolf's Café. Even the CNT(No, this is not a sex joke. It is short for Cornerian National Television) buys Wolf's amateur set up. Will they pay back their debt or will they be jailbirds once more? Find out next time!**


	4. The calm before the storm

**The calm before the storm**

* * *

"Due to these possible attacks on Corneria, I have decided to postpone the opening of Starbucks for two weeks."

Leon and I stared at the TV.

"Excellent!" he said. It had been twelve hours since the rocket launcher incident. The mall had just opened and we were getting Wolf's Café ready for a long day. I yawned and sipped a coffee. Tasted excellent. I drank half of it and slid the cup over the counter towards Leon, who grabbed it and drank the rest in one gulp. The TV was on, showing the news. Nothing interesting was happening now so the volume was low.

"Lets get started!" I said.

* * *

"Due to these possible attacks on Corneria, I have decided to postpone the opening of Starbucks for two weeks."

General Pepper listened to these lines again.

"This is madness!" he roared, obviously not happy at the news. "Assistant, get in here!"

"Yes sir?" asked the assistant, a lean dog in his thirties with brown fur and blue eyes.

"Our greatest sponsor Starbucks has delayed the grand opening! We need the money and fast!"

"A...and?" he trembled.

"The S.W.A.T. team seem to be responsible. They might of turned on us! Right now, a S.W.A.T. space carrier is heading for Katina. A massive Starbucks is located there! Deploy all Katina forces! And send in Star Fox!"

"Y...yes sir!"

The assistant ran out and entered a similar room, which was empty. He sat on a chair and typed a couple of things on the keyboard. A face popped up on a massive screen.

"Yes?"

"Under the direct order of General Pepper, deploy all units! There is a S.W.A.T. squad heading to destroy Starbucks. Stop them at any cost!"

"Yes sir!"

The assistant hit another button and the face was replaced by that of a robot.

"How may I assist you?"

"Is Fox McCloud there?"

"Negative."

"Can I get in touch with him?"

"Negative. I may send him your message though."

"Tell him to go to Katina ASAP. The Cornerian military need your help keeping a rouge S.W.A.T. team away from Starbucks."

"Affirmative."

The assistant hit a button and the screen went blank. He let out a sigh. The government needed the sponsorship money, but the S.W.A.T. had no motivation to do this. Someone else was behind this and he knew it.

* * *

The S.W.A.T. cruiser sped towards Katina to report to the base. They knew what was going on. Someone had stolen their weapons and framed them. General Pepper would want their heads! The team was lead by a grey fox known as Mike. He was in his forties, with light grey fur. He had been in the S.W.A.T. for 20 years. He was not happy. Suddenly, a cruise missile hit the ship.

"What was that?" he snapped.

"Cornerian forces at twelve o'clock!" yelled the pilot.

"Open fire! There is no point convincing them!"

The cruiser sent out a massive array of lasers, bullets and missiles at the Cornerian fleet, composed of only small fighters. As the fighters pelted the cruiser with lasers, several S.W.A.T. troops got onto the roof and blasted the fighters down with homing launchers and laser weaponry. Neon lights flashed across the vast emptiness of space as cornerian fighters exploded and the S.W.A.T. transports main artillery started to crumble. From a distance, an Ion Cannon hit the ship. The Great Fox had arrived. Fox, Falco, Slippy and Peppy emerged in their Arwings.

"Surrender now!" said Fox to Mike via intercom.

"Never!" he replied.

The Great Fox shot the ship again.

"We're giving you a choice here!"

"My choice is to spread the truth. We were framed!"

"Framed? By who?"

"By O'Donn..."

Before he could finish that sentence, the ship was snatched by a massive hand coming from a portal, dragging it back into the warp.

"What was that?" asked Fox.

"Beats me, but I'm more interested in who framed him." said Falco.

"That portal seemed familiar..." added Slippy.

"Do a barrel roll!" said Peppy.

* * *

Mike and several other S.W.A.T members sat on one side of the table. A group of lizards and a wanted monkey sat on the other side. Mike was the first to speak.

"Andrew Oikonny...what do you want?"

"I see you are a high-ranking member of the Special Weapons And Tactics squad of Lylat."

"Get to the point!"

"You are in peril. I want you to get every member you can of the S.W.A.T. here!"

"And the catch is?"

"You do as I say. I keep your men safe."

"What if I don't?"

"I'll kill you."

"What do you want with my men?"

"Don't worry. I won't send them into impossible dogfights. They can stay at HQ."

"HQ?"

"Yes, we're approaching it now."

The windows opened and what was visible was a mechanical finger and a green planet. It was Venom. Mike had a bad feeling about this.

* * *

The shop has been running fine. S.W.A.T. has been framed and the search for them continues. We received a letter from Oikonny and expanded the café to a second floor. We also hired a couple of assistants. They're both working off their college debts. Leon and I are doing fine, the boat is holding up well. We've had some minor complications with press trying to incriminate us, but their attempts failed. I made sure my fur is lighter than normal and Leon is a different shade of green so that nobody suspects we're criminals. All in all, we're doing well. But I have a bad feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong.

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry for the late update but I have school now. So expect updates weekly instead of every other day. Other than that, DO A BARREL ROLL!**


	5. The perfect plan

**The perfect plan**

* * *

"FUS RO DAH!"

A man spat out a draconic roar, sending his enemies over a cliff. I grinned at the computer screen. It was Christmas Eve and the mall was shut for the night. We had stayed into the coffee shop since we had nowhere else to go. Leon was sipping some of his coffee and watching the news while I played Skyrim.

"The news is interesting stuff, you know Wolf."

"Skyrim is more interesting." I replied. "If anything to do with coffee shows on the news then tell me." Just before I put my headphones back on, a Latest News interrupted the current news.

"A search team has recently found a boat in the middle of the ocean containing coffee. Chances are, it was the one supposed to be delivering coffee to the new Starbucks. Several sacks of coffee are missing. On the scene is our research specialist Dave. So Dave, what type of fighters have crashed into the ship."

"Well, these types of fighters are custom jets. Very powerful ones. They seem to be a Mark II..."

Leon and I went pale in fright. If he said Mark II Wolfen we would be screwed. However, a portal appeared and several venomian fighters attacked. Dave fell into the water as the natives of Venom got out of their ships and started destroying everyone and everything that could tell the tale. The signal went as the helicopter holding the camera was blown up. Half an hour and nothing had happened. Then, the news came back on. Several cornerian military patrols were surrounding the boat, with the Wolfens nowhere to be seen.

"We're screwed." said Leon.

"No...we aren't screwed. Venom is on our side. They might of taken our ships." I said. "This is going to be crazy, but it might just work. In half an hour, we head out through the air vent and into the sewer. We then go into the ocean at low tide with the speedboat. Then, we head to the original location of the boat and send a SOS signal."

"And how will that help?" asked Leon.

"The military will believe it might be there. And since the patrol is nearer by at least twenty miles, they can get there, investigate and find nothing. While they're goofing around we can infiltrate the boat."

"And once we get in, what the heck do we do?"

I shook a canister labelled KNOCKOUT GAS. HIGHLY FLAMMABLE. "We put these all around the boat and hide in the watertight storage, which should also be airtight. From there, we can burst them all open with a small firecracker. We'll have to grab a couple of oxygen masks though. I have no idea how long the knockout gas takes to work, and how long it will last."

Leon laughed. "You are an insane fool. But this plan might just work. But where do we hide our speedboat?"

"Inside the hole that your Wolfen made when it crashed."

"Genius."

* * *

**Half an hour later...**

Leon and I were speeding down the sewers in the motorboat. Leon had modified it slightly so that it could go even faster in very shallow waters, like those of the sewers. This time, the jump between the sewers and the sea was cleared by a long shot, despite being loaded with twenty cans of knockout gas. It took us twenty minutes to get to the coordinates of the crash landing.

"Ready Leon?" I asked.

"As always!" he said, pressing a few buttons on the GPS before making a few screams and sentences about coffee and chucking the GPS with a microphone into the ocean. I then grabbed the steering wheel and drove as fast as I could to the north.

"SOS, check!" I said.

* * *

"Commander! There is a SOS signal nearby. The location is exactly the same as that of the original SOS signal sent by the coffee ship!"

"But we're on the coffee ship, private!"

"I...I don't know. This may be a dud or something. Or the SOS could be from a survivor!"

"Fine then! Get our fastest and best armed speedboats. Something is wrong here and I want to find out what!"

* * *

Five minutes later, Leon and I saw the speedboats in the distance, heading towards the dud emergency call. Another five minutes and we were approaching the large boat.

"Hey Wolf!" Leon said. "There's something you forgot."

"What?"

"The fact that this boat is surrounded by armoured patrol boats."

"We'll force our way through."

"Through those things? I don't think so."

Just then, a searchlight headed towards the boat, which swerved out of the way.

"Masks! Now!" I yelled, flinging an oxygen mask to Leon. I then sped as fast as I could towards the fleet, swerving away from the light at all costs. Then, the machine guns on the patrol boats started firing in our general direction. Leon then grabbed the wheel and slowed the boat down to a halt. The searchlight couldn't follow the wake of the boat so it went away. He then slowly accelerated towards the ship. We cruised towards it for a couple of minutes when a private on one of the patrol boats yelled something and they all lined up, blocking our access to the cargo ship. Then, the searchlight lit up our boat and the machine guns started. I accelerated the boat as fast as I could.

"Hey Leon!"

"Yeah?"

"What modifications did you do to this thing earlier."

"I changed the rear of the hull, a Neos X-41 plating for..."

"Woah, do it in a nutshell will you?"

"It's optimized for shallow waters, like the sewers. It floats more and the propellers are lower down. It's also really bouncy to minimize all impacts."

"Thanks."

As the boat approached the armoured patrol blockade I waited for a large wave. As soon as one was near, I let go of the wheel.

"Leon! Grab the front of the boat, at the right and pull up."

"But the machine guns..."

"DO IT!" I snapped, grabbing the left side. The nozzle rose slightly as a bullet grazed my hand. Only I expected what happened next. The wave hit the underside of the boat, propelling it into the air, way above the military boats. I then yelled at Leon to let go, and he did.

"Talk about bouncy..." said Leon as the boat veered towards the side he let go in midair. One of the boats fired an Ion cannon at our airborne sea-craft, missing it entirely and destroying the searchlights mounted on the coffee freighter. Everything was dark. I cut the power from the boat as it landed, managing to park it inside the hole Leon's Wolfen had made when it crashed. For once, the flooding of the ship has worked in our favour. The water is just under a meter deep, just enough for the boat to drive in. Some of the coffee was ruined though. Parking the speedboat inside the ship, well out of view from any patrol, Leon and I checked the gas canisters. Fourteen canisters. We must have lost six due to that aerial stunt. We heard hissing, so I took off my mask and tried to smell the source of the problem. We soon found the problem: a canister with a bullet hole. I was about to dispose of it when I fell on the floor. Damn knockout gas.

* * *

**I am sorry for not updating in forever. School just sucks the life out of you. Now I'm getting life back, I can write creatively again. So I'll be updating a lot over Christmas, but don't expect anything major for a while after that.**


	6. The plan fails

**The plan fails**

* * *

It was salty, it was cold and tasted like coffee. What the!? I jolted up where Leon was pouring some seawater into my mouth full of coffee beans.

"What was that for!" I yelled in anger.

"You knocked yourself out with the gas." he said. "We don't have time to sleep. Lucky you only took two minutes to get up"

"Whatever." I said, taking out several canisters, tossing them to Leon and taking out more myself. I then counted them and gave Leon enough firecrackers.

"How many canisters are we going to need to knock out the entire crew?" he asked.

"If we use them correctly then we should only need eight. But I'm not taking chances so we'll use eleven out of thirteen. We'll lay a couple here and then the rest of the ship. Don't put any outside. Only inside."

"Roger that." said Leon.

"Oh and before we start, we should fill up the airtight container with more coffee. Just in case we screw up."

Five minutes later, everything was ready so Leon and I went separate ways. The ship had changed drastically since our first visit. Military officers were everywhere, snooping around. Several tents were set up and lots of areas were blocked off. Thankfully it was a cargo ship, so everything but the cargo hold was relatively small. Several soldiers spotted me but a small dose of knockout gas let them fall before long. We had to make two trips, since neither of us could carry more than three canisters. Leon had told me he had one more to place, near the engine room. I was on the bridge. Unfortunately, there was a huge patrol and one of the searchlights was working again, covering both the ship and the seas. Military tents worked to my advantage, since they made good cover. Once I was through that mess, I opened the door to the captain's quarters. I pushed the canister inside slowly and shut the door behind me and turned around. Spotlight in the face.

"ATTENTION ALL PERSONELL! A TRESPASSER HAS BEEN LOCATED ON THE SHIP! TARGET IS A GREY WOLF WEARING AN OXYGEN MASK!" blared every megaphone in the ship.

I ran as fast as I could, punching a soldier and taking his machine gun. I rushed down the stairs before being cornered, so I jumped off the banister down a couple of levels. The landing could of been better, as I clipped my leg against the rail. I ran into the middle deck as several soldiers pursued me. With no other option, I shot the nearby canister, causing the soldiers to drop to the floor the moment they passed it.

"Leon to Wolf, do you read me?" he asked via wrist communicator

"I read ya Leon. Loud and clear." I replied.

"You made some mess up there didn't you?"

"Yep...let's forget this once we're done."

"Well, I'm in the watertight storage. The soldiers are storming the hole my ship made."

"Crap. Am I screwed?"

"Yes."

"Well at least I stole a machine gun."

"Idiot, you can activate the firecrackers."

I facepalmed and reached for the remote. Or at least where I thought the remote was.

"Crap! I left the remote control in the speedboat."

"You are a retard at times."

Suddenly, a grenade exploded in front of me as I fell down towards the cargo bay, grabbing onto a beam to prevent my fall.

"Leon, you have to get out and activate the gas."

A soldier blew the communicator off my wrist with a perfect gunshot.

"Get down from there, O'Donnel." said a commander.

I didn't move. A warning shot was fired.

"One...two..." said the commander.

I dropped down onto a coffee sack, trying to delay my landing for as long as possible. I then rolled off and into the water, holding my breath. The commander dragged me out. He then sniffed a little as he saw his men lose the slightest of focus.

"I see you released some knockout gas, eh!" he snapped. "Well that oxygen mask isn't completely airtight. So you should faint in a few minutes."

**BOOM!**

A massive explosion rocked the ship. The soldiers began dropping like flies as did the commander. Wolf shot him in the face and ran towards the watertight container. Flames began to appear from the upper floors. As he made a final sprint he leaped, throwing himself inside, shortly followed by Leon who shut the door behind him.

"Apparently the gas was way more flammable than you thought." he said.

"I hope the ship isn't too badly damaged." said Wolf.

* * *

Several hours later...

Wolf slowly opened the door. I waited, hoping for the best. The first thing he noticed was the fact that the entire ship was tilted at 45 degrees. Second, everything was either submerged or burnt to a crisp. That included the coffee and the soldiers. There was a massive hole in the ship near one of the canisters, but said hole was submerged too. The third thing was that the speedboat was undamaged.

"Leon! Bring the speedboat over here and I'll pass down the coffee in here." said Wolf.

"Roger!" I said, jumping into the water, swimming over to the speedboat and parking it parallel to storage. Wolf slid down fifteen coffee sacks one by one and then jumped on himself. He started it up again and drove out.

"Hey Wolf." I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Look at that military speedboat. We could use something like that."

Wolf parked the boat and I tore out things like GPS, communication systems and the like. Then I tested it and we picked up thirty sacks of coffee to load on the large military speedboat.

"Leon, what's the time? I lost my wrist communicator and watch when someone shot it to pieces."

"Half seven...why?" I asked, instantly knowing the answer, since the mall opens at eight. We went as fast as we could and made it to the sewers in a record time of fifteen minutes. There was one problem: Low tide.

I jumped off the military speedboat as it soared into the coastline and exploded. Wolf picked me up on our boat and used a wave to jump into the sewer pipe. As soon as we reached the mall, we deposited our bags of coffee beans in a dumpster and rushed to our store.

"Just in time." said Wolf. Our two part-time employees walked in with four Santa hats.

"Merry Christmas!" one of them said.

I put on my Santa hat, not pleased with it. Wolf did the same, as to not be the odd one out.

"Get upstairs and start taking orders." said Wolf.

"Yes sir." they both said, rushing up the spiral staircase towards our second-floor expansion. As soon as the two were out of the way, Wolf stared at me.

"We lost our main supply." he said, with an emotionless tone of voice. Of course, I know him well enough to know that he is about to snap. Or cry. But probably snap.

"I know."

"We have eighty sacks. Considering how busy that it is, this will only last us four weeks."

"..."

"All this work may amount to nothing. We have two weeks until Starbucks opens."

"So...what are we going to do?"

"Starbucks will need more coffee. We have to find out where and when they're getting it and defeat them once and for all. How much money do we have?"

"About twenty five thousand"

"That's good enough."

* * *

**What has Wolf got up his sleeve for Starbucks? How long will Wolf's Café last without an infinite coffee supply? Find out next time!**


	7. Recovering the losses

**Recovering the losses**

* * *

The phone rang. My mobile to be precise.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Don't you know me?" the caller asked, his voice giving away he was Andrew. I cupped my hand over the phone and entered the bathroom.

"I'm working right now Andrew."

"You're working? As what, a drug dealer?"

"Very funny monkey-breath."

"And that is the respect I get for saving your behind from those snoopy news presenters."

"Yeah...thanks for that."

"Pfft. What happened anyway?"

I told Andrew the entire story in a nutshell.

"Seriously? That is hilarious. So, good job I have the entire SWAT team working for me"

"What? How did you do that!"

"Death threat."

"As usual."

"So...when are you free?"

"The mall is closing in half an hour. It's Christmas Day and it won't be open after three."

"Neat. Go to the abandoned shipyard in an hour."

Just then, the phone went dead. Perfect... I walked outside. Leon and the part-time employees were doing fine. So I decided to sit back and relax with a coffee.

* * *

**Half an hour later**

Leon and I were speeding down the sewers and flew into the water. For once, the tide was high so there was no need to jump over anything. Leon suddenly pulled the brakes and dived into the sea.

"What the?" I stuttered.

Leon then emerged, tied a rope to the boat and dived down again. Once he was back up, he pulled the rope to reveal a machine gun, some armoured hull and more.

"Look Wolf! The remains of the military boat!" he said.

"Nice thinking Leon!" I replied. We drove ahead to the abandoned shipyard.

It was an eerie place, always shrouded in sea mist. Cobwebs touched everything and any wood could snap due to severe decay without warning. Cockroaches roamed around freely just like drug dealers. Leon tied the boat to the dock and we got out. The decayed wood collapsed under our feet.

"Damnit!" I said, climbing back onto the boat. The second dock held up as we got to dry land. Leon and I shook ourselves dry.

"So...where's Andrew?" he muttered. At that moment, a large mechanical head hovered above the dock. It was followed by two mechanical hands and two small fighter jets. The fighter jets landed and the head opened it's mouth revealing a long staircase exiting it. Two venomian lizards exited the fighters as Andrew exited the head.

"Wolf O'Donnell." said Andrew.

"Andrew Oikonny." I said. We shook hands and Andrew began talking.

"I see you're desperate. Guess what? We can help. In one week at midnight, on New Years, a Starbucks cruiser is going to deliver a massive shipload of coffee."

"Where will it be coming from?"

"It's all being carried by a giant spacecraft. From a secret plantation on Macbeth. It will enter the Cornerian atmosphere at around 11 PM, landing at the national airport the moment the new years fireworks go off. From then, trucks will transport the massive load throughout the early hours of the morning."

"And...how do we rob an entire spacecraft?"

"That's where the SWAT team comes in handy. They will be forced to assault the carrier. From there, you can infiltrate the space freighter with these two X-51 Stealth Recon fighters. Only the best of radars could even catch a trace of this jet. Not to mention, it's impossible to see under the cover of night."

"And we can just keep these two top-notch stealth fighters?"

"I have a couple of Mark II Wolfens. The X-51 pales in comparison."

"They're my Wolfens!" I yelled. Leon glared. "Sorry...our Wolfens."

"Problem?" asked Andrew, putting on a trollface. He then signalled to his henchmen as they entered the giant floating monkey head.

"Good luck, Wolf."

"Same to you. Oh and one other thing. What are your motives for attacking Starbucks?"

"They are linked to the Lylat government. It's time I took over this system."

With that, Andrew took off, leaving the two stealth ships with us. Leon found a toolbox in one and used it to improve our boat with the remains of the military ship. He welded on the armoured plating onto the front and made a convertible roof out of the rest of it. The machine gun was attached near the back of the boat. He had to make a small hole in the roof so that it would still work if the roof was on.

"So...what to do with these?" asked Leon, referring to the fighters.

"Hide them." I said, pulling one towards a warehouse.

"Thank goodness they have wheels." said Leon. Within minutes, they were stored neatly and we headed back towards the boat.

* * *

**Aquas  
About an hour later  
**

"Stop right there, Star Wolf!" yelled a Cornerian officer. A Wolfen turned around and fired a deadly laser, obliterating the officer.

"Attention all units! Star Wolf has attacked!" said a voice over Intercom. Star Fox, who had tuned in deployed all Arwings and prepared for combat. Fox McCloud's Arwing sped towards the small island resort, followed by Falco, Slippy and Peppy.

"All Arwings report!" he said.

"I'm A-OK" replied Falco.

"Me too!" said Slippy.

"Do a Barrel Roll!" said Peppy. "Oh...A-OK. Erm...sorry."

The four jets saw two Wolfens fly towards them.

"Wolf O'Donnell, surrender now!" yelled Fox.

"Do you mean...Caruso?" replied Panther.

"Panther?" asked the four pilots.

"Yes, it is I, Panther Caruso!"

"Then that means...Krystal!" yelled Fox.

"...Hello." she muttered. With this distraction, Panther opened fire on Fox's Arwing, damaging it severely. As the other three pilots closed in, he launched a smart bomb, blasting Peppy, Slippy and Falco in different directions. Fox's Arwing just exploded. Panther then flew away with Krystal following close behind. Panther had left the crew for dead, which was a huge mistake. Just then, ROB 64 launched five missiles from the Great Fox, almost ruining the two Wolfens.

"Damn robot..." he muttered as the Wolfen spluttered out fumes as it rose into outer space.

"You weren't expecting the entire team to go down in one hit, did you Panther?" asked Krystal.

"Yes. Now let's get out of here. We just won the lottery so there shouldn't be any monetary troubles."

"Stupid officer, he thought we stole that money."

* * *

**Ten minutes ago...**

"Hey Wolf." said Leon, cleaning up the café.

"What?" I asked.

"Remember the monthly lottery?"

"Yeah."

Leon turned on the TV. "You still have the ticket right?"

"Shit. I know the numbers I picked were 3, 15, 23, 28 and 42. Lucky stars 2 and 9."

"Why do you lose everything?"

_Three, fifteen..._

"I didn't. It was in our team stash...that blasted Panther took it! Damn you Panther!"

_Twenty three, twenty eight..._

"Ok, I swear. He owes us big time if we win anything."

_and forty two! The lucky stars are TWO and NINE!_

_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!**  
_

"Remind me to murder that asshole if I ever get my hands on him." I snarled.

* * *

**So now Panther owes Wolf even more than before. Will Wolf find out about Panther's location and be able to hunt him down. Or will he play it safe and not risk destroying his cover. And what about New Years. Will Wolf be able to get the coffee with the help of Andrew. Or will the SWAT's be little snitches. Find out once I write the next bit!**


	8. Star Fox

**Star Fox**

* * *

"Where is everybody..." muttered Falco as he woke up. He was in his Arwing, inside a mass of clouds. He dropped altitude by 1000 meters. He was in Aquas, above a giant ocean. He turned around and saw the Great Fox in the distance.

"Aha!" he said, flying off towards it.

* * *

"My head..." said Peppy as he recovered from a very uncomfortable landing. His Arwing had crashed into a hotel. The cockpit opened and he realized he was in a couple's suite. Not wanting to intrude, he pushed the Arwing out of the hole, jumped in and started the engine just before it crashed into the ground. As it flew sky-high, he tried to locate the Great Fox. As soon as he saw it, he flew towards it at top speed.

"What...the...hell?" asked the love-making couple.

* * *

"Blurb...blurb..." muttered Slippy as he woke up from underwater. His Arwing was buried in sand. As he got it out, he switched the throttle to Turbine and drove the Arwing up.

"SHARK!" he screamed, dropping a smart bomb behind him, causing the shark to eat it and explode. He then emerged and saw the Great Fox, piloting his Arwing towards it.

* * *

Fox sat on his broken Arwing, floating on the seas of Aquas. He saw the Great Fox in the distance and hit a button. It turned around. Soon he would get revenge on Panther. Soon...

* * *

**Filler explaining what happened to Star Fox after Panther separated them. Regular chapter next time.  
**


	9. The rich, the poor and the ugly

**The rich, the poor and the ugly**

* * *

"Awww...it isn't open yet."

"Look! There's another one next to it."

The two walked in.

"Excuse me..." said a rich man(or animal, or furry, or whatever) "Me and my madam here are very tired of being on such a great shopping spree. May we be served two of your finest coffees?"

The man showed him two one-hundred credit bills.

"Sir...I would have to speak with the manager." said the bartender, running downstairs.

* * *

"Sir, someone is willing to spend 200 credits on coffee."

"What?" I exclaimed, spitting out my coffee.

Within a minute, I ran upstairs with the bartender. It was...Panther Caruso.

"You...you owe me a lot of money." I said, jabbing a finger at him. The bastard had bought a gold monocle and wore a suit that looked like it cost hundreds. Krystal had a diamond ring, a stylish dress and some ruby earrings. With MY money.

"Because...?"

"You stole my lottery ticket. A winning ticket. And our money! Did you even consider that we're in debt!" I screamed, not caring that the customers or the assistants looked at me.

"I'm rich." said Panther, pointing at himself. "You're poor." he added, pointing at me. "And he's ugly." he laughed pointing at Leon.

"And you're a douchebag. Now get out of my shop or give me back my money."

"Come...Krystal. This place is full of slobs. Let us go elsewhere."

I snarled, at a loss for words. At least I got 200 free credits. Wait...

"Assistant. Leave those credits where they were."

"Yes sir!" he squealed.

* * *

The past six days have been uneventful. The mall just closed and both Leon and I got a few more sacks from the watertight storage. We then headed off to the abandoned shipyard and arrived at our stealth fighters. They were in perfect condition. It was 10 PM. We took a half-hour test flight, ate a small meal at Burger King and flew off towards the upper atmosphere.

"So...where's the cruiser?" I asked.

"It's at 1' 21" N and 12' 23" E" said Leon

"And the destination?"

"23' 10" S and 7' 32" E"

We saw it after fifteen minutes. Suddenly, a bright flash of light appeared as the cruiser was assaulted by Andrew's SWAT team.

"Go, go, go!" I said, flooring the accelerator as we zoomed towards the ship.

"SWAT team, fire at Section 3-A!" yelled Leon. Several lasers, guns and missiles blew a ten by ten meter hole in the ship.

"Resume normal assault!" I said as our stealth fighters landed in the cargo hold. It was filled to the brim with crates. We opened up one crate. It contained at least twenty coffee bags.

"We're rich!" yelled Leon. We both got the pistols from our fighters out and dashed towards the nearest door. As we opened it, several soldiers opened fire. Leon returned fire, easily defeating the soldiers. We ran down a futuristic corridor, shooting anyone we ran into. Before long we reached the cockpit. There was one pilot and three co-pilots.

"Hands in the air!" I yelled. All four chairs spun around.

"No, you first." said the pilot. He had an Uzi. We dived onto the floor, shooting the pilot as fast as we could. He fell quickly and I stole the Uzi. It spat out bullets, annihilating the co-pilots. I sealed the door and got on the radio.

"This is Wolf! We have secured the pilot's room. Enter the ship and kill everyone armed on-board. Spare the unarmed and take them as hostages."

The reply was not what I expected.

"Oh, look who's working for SWAT now!" said Falco.

"Get lost birdbrain!" I yelled. I looked out of the window and saw the Great Fox and four Arwings demolishing Andrew's SWAT fleet. I cut the radio transmission.

"Leon, turn the ship around. I need to take care of something!"

I unlocked and opened the door. Ten soldiers were pointing their guns at me. I smiled sheepishly and locked the door as fast as I could.

"Use the air vent." said Leon, not looking away from the window. I climbed up towards the vent and started crawling. Once it was safe, I dropped down and made a mad dash towards the storage room. Our fighters were still there. Excellent! I jumped in my fighter, took a bite out of my unfinished burger and flew into the sky. I checked the time. Half an hour left until the fireworks would reveal everything. Cornerian fighters and Star Fox on one side, Venomian fighters and SWAT on the other. We were losing by a long shot. I readied my guns and fired a powerful blast at an Arwing. I repeated the process but this time the ship avoided it. I then tuned into the enemy's comlink channel

"I've been hit!" said Peppy over radio. "Beware, there's a stealth fighter somewhere.

"It's on my radar! Firing smart bomb now!" said Slippy. I pressed several buttons and a tiny yet concentrated magnet shield blew the smart bomb into the middle of the battle field.

"Ow! Watch it!" yelled Falco. "I found the target! Fire!"

Lasers from all directions pelted my ship, but a well-timed barrel roll prevented any damage. I sent a couple of lasers at Slippy and Peppy, who were forced to retreat.

"Hey Fox! We have an ace pilot here!" yelled Falco. "Cover me!"

I shot Falco, who did an U-Turn to avoid the shot. He then did a loop to get behind me as I did the same. However, Fox hit me hard with a charged laser mid-loop.

"Now that's teamwork!" yelled Falco.

"It isn't over yet!" said Fox as he barely avoided my smart bomb. Fox was flying from one end, Falco from the other, both shooting at me. At the last moment I turned and the two barely avoided crashing into each other. Taking this as an opportunity, I swiped Falco out of the sky, his Arwing spluttering towards the Great Fox.

"So, Pilot. It's time you lost!" said Fox. Out of the blue, the Great Fox fired one powerful shot that blew off my shields entirely. Fox then sent a few finishing shots that tore my hull apart. I jumped out of the barely functional ship as it crashed into Fox's Arwing, leaving his ship vulnerable to attack. As I fell through the atmosphere, I wondered if this would be my demise.

* * *

I sat in the control room, carefully piloting the ship. Any cargo that fell out would be precious money lost. There was little I could do to aid the space battle. The soldiers were trying to melt the door and get in. And they were actually succeeding with a blowtorch. Then, I saw a figure fall through the sky.

"Someone get that pilot! Get him!"

A SWAT fighter flew towards Wolf and picked him up. I sighed in relief, but not so much so when a powerful blast from the Great Fox made a hole in the rear of the ship. The number of Venom and SWAT fighters were diminishing by the minute. As they decreased, more ships targeted the frigate. It was severely damaged, flying straight for Corneria capital, where it was supposed to land. I checked the time. Two minutes until midnight! The ship would not fly up so I put the throttle on as hard as I could. The soldiers managed to bust the door open.

"Freeze, criminal!"

I aimed the frigate as far down as I could. It was on fire due to the harsh re-entry and it appeared to break the sound barrier. I crashed it into the earth below. The whole thing flipped on it's nose and into the air, then splitting in half, causing the entirety of it to catch fire, and soared several miles out to sea before crashing into the water like a meteor. The soldiers were on the floor, injured or dead due to the violent crash. I was wearing my seatbelt and the airbag came out, so little harm except a minor headache came over to me. I got out of the pilot seat and ran up the inclined corridor. Water gushed down the hallways, blowing me back into the cockpit. I franticly hit the glass to no avail. Seeing as it was no use, I snapped a lever and used it as a chisel. It broke the glass and I swam out. It was at least fifty meters to the surface. What I saw was a spectacle. The New Years fireworks illuminated the water with colours like red, green and purple. Several pieces of frigate had broken off and were still on fire underwater, some of which were heading upwards. As I arrived at the surface, out of breath and nauseous, I lay down in the warm water, this was the southern hemisphere where winters were warm and summers were cold. I watched the New Years fireworks as I passed out on a piece of floating wreckage.

* * *

**So Leon is doing fine, but what of Wolf? Is he A-OK. And will they ever find a coffee supply that doesn't sink underwater? Find out next time!**

**PS: Long chapters for the win!  
**


	10. Normal, everyday life

**Normal, everyday life.**

* * *

"Urrrgh."

I woke up on a beach. Nobody was there, it was about six in the morning. I remembered last night: me crashing the frigate, Wolf being rescued and the fireworks. I got up and lazily walked over to the mall. It took about half an hour, since I was incredibly drowsy and being in the city just made it worse. Since no-one was there to open it, I entered an air vent and crash-landed in a candy store. So I climbed back in after eating a couple of marshmallows and finally got into Wolf's Café. Wolf was fast asleep on the carpeted floor. I made myself a black coffee, but fell asleep regardless.

* * *

**Seven hours ago...**

Riding on a SWAT aircraft, flying between lasers. That was what I was doing. Just then, the aircraft got shot so I jumped onto the craft that shot it. The pilot desperately tried to get me off but he couldn't do anything. I forced the cockpit open and threw the pilot out, jumping in the aircraft and I started to pilot it. I flew away from the scene of battle and landed inside the ship. That was a bad idea. The moment I got out, the military handcuffed me and dragged me off. They then forced me down on a stretcher and put a handkerchief on my face.

"Listen, O'Donnell. You answer the questions, we play nice. You don't answer or you lie, we don't."

"Isn't using torture to interrogate against the law?" I asked.

"Shut up! We are above the law. We ARE the law."

"And I thought you were the good guys."

Just then, water gushed down on my face. I felt like I was drowning. Regardless of what my instinct told me to do, I simply held my breath. After fifteen seconds they took off the hankie.

"Oh come on. Is that the best you can do?"

"Listen, Wolf! Who are you working for and why?"

"That is none of your business."

I got waterboarded again, this time for half a minute.

"Answer me!"

"I'm working for yo mama. She said I could sleep with her tonight."

Waterboarded. Again. I was honestly past caring. One minute and I still held my breath.

"Oh come on. Andross did worse things when he was five."

Waterboarded for the fourth time. However, five seconds in and I felt a painful shock and opened my mouth to scream. Bad idea. Water gushed into my mouth as I panicked and flailed around helplessly. One minute and I was out of breath, and for once in my life, legitimately frightened. Of course, there is nothing O'Donnell can't handle.

"So...will you tell us now?"

"Never!"

This time, the shock was huge and the waterboarding lasted two minutes. No...I couldn't crack! Not now! I needed the coffee and the money.

"So...cracked yet?" asked the officer. Once I got a good look at him I shook my head. Just then, a massive impact shook the ship. Then, the entire ship broke in half, leaving me on one side and everyone else on the other.

"Guess the ship cracked for me!" I laughed, soaring through the sky. A metal beam almost hit me, but with a skilled air dodge, I slipped past it as it smashed my handcuffs in half. I laughed again, looking at the officers be hurled in all different directions. I then hit reality hard. Or should I say the floor. I hit the grass, bouncing at least 500 meters in extra distance before coming to a halt. I got up as I could and walked back to the mall, then using the air vents to get to Wolf's Café.

As soon as I fell out of the air vent, I rolled over and went to sleep immediately.

* * *

"You think he's dead?" asked one man, prodding the body with a broomstick.

"Maybe someone murdered them."

"Then where's the blood or stuff like that we see in the movies."

The two 'men' were young Cornerian hounds, aged seventeen and eighteen respectively. They were trying to enlist in the Cornerian University, but they needed to pay off some debt and get more money before they could pay the course. They had been friends since kindergarten and now they worked together, at Wolf's Café.

"Urghhh..." muttered Wolf as he got up. He saw a broomstick. "Were you prodding me with that."

"...No?"

* * *

Leon and I had another busy day at the coffee shop. Our days were numbered, as our new coffee supply had been lost and our old one wouldn't last long.

"Hey Wolf." said Leon. "We won't have enough bags to last the day. Can you go get some more."

Just then, one of the assistants turned on the TV.

_"The Cornerian special forces have found out that S.W.A.T has assaulted a new Starbucks space frigate. They were also responsible for the raid on the boat. The boat has been seized and all coffee inside it given to Starbucks."_

I swore under my breath and got in the boat anyway. At least S.W.A.T is to blame.

* * *

**Half an hour later...**

I was cruising in the ocean, with no idea where to go. Leon told me I had until about 5 PM to get more coffee. It was midday, but I still felt at a loss. Just then, I saw some wreckage floating in the water. Taking into account what happened last night I would be able to hold my breath for two minutes at a time. I got some rope from the boat and tied myself to a heavy piece of metal. I smashed it a little so that it wouldn't float. I put on a life preserver and threw myself in. I sank incredibly fast. Within half a minute I was at the seabed. I untied the rope and tied it to a box. The box was incredibly heavy, even more than the metal. It took me well over a minute but I finally got back up. I put the box on the boat and opened it. Just as I thought: these were the remains of the space frigate. The boxes were full of coffee and a bit of sugar, all neatly packed up in bags. Each box had about twenty bags. I dumped the empty box back in the water and drove off with the bags.

"We're rich!" I yelled raising my hands into the air. A bag crashed into the water.

"Oops!"

* * *

My name is Dean. I'm seventeen, live in Corneria City and have a job at the mall in a small shop known as Wolf's Cafe. I work with my friend Tim and the two guys who own the place.

"Hey Dean!" said Tim.

"What?"

"There's a party tonight. I got invited. Wanna come?"

"Nah. I gotta go stay with my family after New Years. It's a pain since I'm not getting paid when I leave."

Suddenly, a man came up to the counter.

"Another cappuccino please?"

"Sir, you've had seventeen already." I said.

"CAPPUCCINO!"

"Ok, Ok, coming right up. Jeez..."

I brewed his coffee and gave it to him. Just then, a girl walked in. Tim nudged me.

"Hey." she said.

"Uh..hey!" I replied.

"Yeah! It's my birthday!" she said, fist-pumping.

"Oh cra..."

"Don't worry. I know you probably forgot. Besides. I don't really want a present this year."

"Ah. Well that's nice to know."

She then walked off to the toilets, leaving me and Tim at the counter. He was chuckling, looking as if he was going to enter a fit of laughter.

"You are a shitty boyfriend." said Tim. I then got a text message on my phone. Tim took my phone.

"Oh...my...god."

* * *

I was working, waiting for Wolf to come back. The assistants, Tom and what's-his-face (At least I think it's Tom. I'm past caring.) were on the other floor. Suddenly, I saw four familiar faces: Fox, Falco, Slippy and Peppy. They were in a nearby store, but I couldn't risk them seeing me here again. I needed someone to cover for me.

"What's-his-face, get down here!"

Tim dashed down the stairs.

"Not you, I need you upstairs. The other guy.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Dean. Where is he?"

"Erm...I have no idea."

I took one good look at the guy's face.

"Liar." I said, storming upstairs. I searched everywhere, storage room, counter, toilets. Wait, I only checked the guys toilets. Maybe he was a tranny. I opened the women's toilets. He was there. So was some girl. Dean stopped doing what he was doing. So did that girl. Neither of them had any clothes on.

"So...any explanations?" I asked, with a mixture of disgust and fury.

* * *

**The moral of the story is, watch your employees if they have a girlfriend. If not then this happens. Another moral is that lizards can always tell if you're lying. But none of you are here for morals. You're here for the next chapter of "Can't Let you brew that StarBucks"!  
**


	11. Barrels

**Barrels**

* * *

I was waiting outside the back-door to our shop. Star Fox had probably gone but I wasn't going to chance it. Just then, I saw Wolf emerge from the sewers with a lot of coffee.

"Wolf! Where'd you get all that?" I asked.

"I found the shipwreck, dived down and grabbed an airtight box."

"Nice."

"Why are you out here? Did anything happen?"

"Star Fox might be back. And what's-his-face was skipping work."

"Doing what?"

"He was doing you-know-what...can we change the subject?"

"Yep."

Wolf opened the door and to our relief, Fox and co were gone.

"What's-his-face, go upstairs. And you've been warned, don't do that again." said Wolf.

"Yes sir!" said Dean, rushing upstairs.

"So, Wolf. Do we have a stable coffee supply?"

"Yep. Now let's sit back and relax for once."

"You know what that means..."

"FIREWORKS!"

* * *

"General Pepper, sir!"

"What is it?"

"We have discovered that SWAT have allied themselves with Venom, sir!"

"Preposterous! Where is your proof!"

"The SWAT team were fighting against us in last night's air battle!"

"This is madness..."

"No...this...is...WAR!"

"..."

"...sir."

"Better. I do agree with you on this. Send out the army!"

"Wouldn't we have a better chance if we used Star Fox instead of the deadbeat troops we have. I mean, come on. They did jack-shit when Andross attacked and I didn't see them do anything since. Four mercenaries stronger than a galaxy's militia. Madness indeed. Sir."

"Why don't we send out both?"

"Genius. I don't know why nobody thought of that before, sir."

Pepper then mashed a button on his desk. "SEND OUT THE ARMY! FULL SCALE ATTACK ON VENOM. And Star Fox."

"But sir, won't that leave us vunerable?" asked the man on the intercom.

"Oh, please. We're in one corner of the Lylat system. It's not like they could sneak round a massive flotilla and attack us."

* * *

**Venomian Orbital Base**  
**Behind Corneria**

"Is the fleet ready?"

"Almost. We must wait for Corneria to move before attacking."

"It surprises me that nobody has ever seen this base. It's been under construction for ten years and our ships have been moving in and out."

"It's behind Corneria. What do you expect."

"Still, the base does have a massive obvious glowing weak spot."

"Nobody hits that."

"Hey, is that a firework? It's going to hit the..."

"_ABANDON SHIP!_"

* * *

"You know, it's nice to sit back and relax, right Falco." asked Fox picking up a blasert.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." he said. The two were in Blasters-R-Us, the largest blaster dealers in the world, located inside a mall on Corneria.

"Where's Slippy?" asked Fox.

"Videogame store. And before you ask, Peppy is in a bar."

"Getting drunk?"

"No, he's riding on barrels while singing a remix of Moskau by Dschinghis Khan."

"Really?"

"OF COURSE NOT YOU FUCKING MORON! DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK HE WAS THAT INSANE?"

Just then, a rabbit holding a glass of beer while riding on a beer keg rolled in through the glass followed by an angry bartender.

"Barrel roll, Barrel roll, Do a Barrel Barrel roll, Do a Barrel Barrel roll, DO A BARREL ROLL!"

"I guess we were both right then." Fox shrugged.

Just then, Fox's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Phoenix Wright here. I believe you know something about the murder?"

"Wrong series dipshit."

"Oops. My bad."

Fox hang up and the phone went again.

"OBJECTION!"

Fox hang up again and the phone rang a third time.

"Hello Fox. General Pepper here. We have an urgent mission for you! It will require all of your..."

"Raid Venom, Kill Baddies, Stop Villain, got it.!"

"...fine with me."

Fox hang up again and the phone rang again.

"One last thing, SWAT is on their side."

"I know that, I spent all of last night blowing them up."

Fox hang up for the fourth time and the phone rang yet again.

"I HAVE EVIDENCE!"

Fox shot his phone three times before doing anything else.

* * *

Several sparks flew through the darkness. Andrew Oikonny sat welding a couple of metal plates together before inserting them onto the hull of his creation.

"My ultimate weapon is finally complete. My ultimate disembodied flying robot monkey head with arms! I cannot fail."

Andrew turned on the lights and hopped into the disembodied flying robot monkey head with arms and started spitting out oil while flying backwards. The oil caught on fire, burning anything it touched into ashes in seconds.

"Perfect. Practical but deadly. Wait...why is it practical? It uses oil, oil is expensive. Whatever, it's still deadly."

Andrew then pressed a button and a death ray emerged from the monkey's head, linking it to the hands. He then surrounded a pillar and pulled the hand away, splitting the reinforced ultra-durable titanium structure in half. The cut was clean and the machine had used little to no effort to sever the pillar.. He then pondered something for a minute or two.

"Oh. I forgot. Muahahahahahahahahaha."

* * *

**I am very sorry for the brevity of this chapter and the lack of updated. But hey, it's something. School takes a heavy toll on my projects no matter how hard I focus. Also, a quick response to an anon review, the narrator is usually from the 1st person and is usually Wolf or Leon(it's easy to tell) or if not, a 3rd person omniscient narration.**


	12. Finale?

**IMPORTANT A/N: This chapter will be dissapointing. Why? Because school and lack of motivation are getting this story nowhere but I don't want to leave the story hanging. So I decided to go for the most hair-brained finale I could come up with.**

* * *

Star Wolf eventually got enough money to buy super Wolfen 9000's so they left the coffee shop and went to explore the galaxy. Wolf and Leon quickly got separated. Leon then crashed on Dagobath and practiced the way of the Jedi with Yoda. He then killed Darth Vader and the Emperor, making everybody in that galaxy happy. Leon then became the king of Star Wars Land and made an empire in said far-far away galaxy and lived happily ever after. Until Disney came.

Wolf, on the other hand, crashed on Planet Fanfic. He found all sorts of strange people, twisted by strange overlords. Wolf started a rebellion and got all the characters to fight off the fangirls. However, he encountered his twisted counterpart, used purely for something known as yaoi. Wolf entered an epic duel with Gay Wolf but the power of OOC was too strong for Wolf to win. Gay Wolf tried to harass him but Wolf barely escaped with his life. He vowed to get stronger and free the characters of Planet Fanfic once and for all. A strange majestic voice spoke to him. The voice told Wolf that if he killed the sixteen meme gods that he would train Wolf to be the strongest being in the universe. So Wolf killed Weegee, the Spycrab, Ganon, Trollface, Bronies and Lolcats. Wolf was almost killed on Rainbow Planet when he had to kill the Scoot Army and Nyan Cat at the same time, but the rainbows made the scouts cry, letting Nyan Cat's attacks kill them. The voice congratulated Wolf on killing half of the Meme Gods. Wolf then killed Dolan, Obama, Peppy Hare, Yao Ming, the guy from Skyrim, the philosoraptor and Derp Megaman. However, the last meme god almost killed Wolf. It was named Pootis. Wolf then used the power of every other meme in existence to kill Pootis. Pootis exploded. Then, down from the heavens came the 'voice'. It was Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris trained Wolf until he knew all Chuck Norris knew. Chuck Norris began to fear Wolf. He almost lost several sparring matches and Wolf was getting stronger by the minute. So Norris began to practice a technique that would send him back in time to kill Wolf. Wolf went to murder Gay Wolf and the Yaoi Fangirl overlords of Planet Fanfic, freeing all the inhabitants from the fiery power of OCC. He then heard that a few remaining Mary Sues were rampant. The sues were even stronger than the Meme Gods but Wolf managed to kill them and free Planet Fanfic once and for all. Wolf, having absorbed the power of the Mary Sues returned to Chuck Norris's palace and confronted him in a duel. The two powers were so mighty that they created another universe. They took the battle to the new universe and accidentally destroyed it in the process. Wolf and Norris were almost out of energy so Wolf used his Kamehamerasenganuberchargerainbowpootiscannonpenis to kill Norris. Wolf then took his time travel ability and tried to use it but unfortunately he went back to Wolf's café a long time ago and his body and mind were restored to the previous state, so he was no-longer as strong as Norris.

Leon tried to fight off Disney. He lasted five seconds. A time paradox caused by Wolf's messing with the time period caused none of the events to happen though. Wolf then learnt that his destiny was being written by a bored 14 year-old on a computer. Wolf found a way to fight his creator and he emerged from the computer screen, even though he was only 1 cm tall. The teenager slammed his fist on his desk, almost crushing Wolf. Wolf shot his blaster at the guy's eyes, causing him to clench them in pain. The guy then sneezed, sending Wolf into a giant monitor, where he saw everything happening be narrated. Wolf found his Wolfen and flew around the room, shooting lazers. The boy slammed Wolf into a giant keyboard. The following appeared on the computer screen:

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DELETE THIS FILE?

The boy hit YES and Wolf was erased from history, along with this tale. There? Happy now?

* * *

**Don't lose all hope. Some time during the summer I may find the motivation to continue. But for now, this is the end.**


End file.
